give it the old college try

Matt keeps telling me to write a book. In all honesty, I would love to do that. I think one of the first things I was ever conscious of wanting to "be when I grow up" as a kid was an author. That title too: author. Not a writer, an author. Someone who makes literature, art with story. Matt thinks that is funny/endearing, and proof that it's a desire I was born with. I believe him, too. I believe there is something inside of me that needs to come out. That's what I love so much about dancing (lyrical or modern). It's one of the best ways I've ever been able to express whatever it is that's trying to get it's way out of me. I really love writing, too, but it takes so much more effort for me compared to dance. I can dance to a song, having no choreography in mind at all, and feel like I actually accomplished some sort of expression.

Writing is harder. I keep telling Matt that I don't have anything to write about. I only partially believe that when I say it, though. I know I am a born story teller. I think if you spend any amount of time with me, you'll agree. I just have absolutely no idea where to start when it comes to actually writing down a story. All I know is that when I hear certain songs, see certain performances or art, or, heck, even when I'm just staring at books in the library or at a book store, I feel something. Something I can't exactly describe. Something that makes me feel...human. And feels like it needs to be expressed somehow. I need to get past my self-consciousness and make some sort of plan to at least try. I can't keep waiting for inspiration to just fall out of the sky and hit me like a meteor.

Sometimes trying is the best a person can do. It's probably about time I find out where that lands me.