Having faith...in myself

So speaking of faith...

The instructor of my writing class approached me on Tuesday and asked if I would be able to bring in something for critique next week, it being our last class. I've had one critique session before this, while most of the class has had at least two. To be honest, a) I didn't realize next week was our last week, and b) I didn't really want to have anything else looked at. It's not because I don't enjoy the critique process. It's actually very helpful. The problem is that I have barely touched my story since the class last saw it.

I've made a lot of excuses, and even started another project in a veiled attempt to avoid my project. A lot of my excuses are logical, rational, and even acceptable...on some level. However, some of it just comes down to the fact that I have no idea how to fix some of the real problems I'm facing with it, and it's frustrating.

But Tuesday night I was given a choice: I could either figure out more ways to avoid my story, or I could actually try to work through some of the problems. Thankfully, I chose the latter.

Other factors involved in this particular push to write are thus:

• My gramma is in the hospital, and I'm trying to visit her when I can
• I am going to Seattle for the weekend, leaving Friday and coming home Sunday evening
• Our drafts to be critiqued are normally due Thursday afternoon (more editing can be done between then and Tuesday)
• I still don't know how to solve some of the major issues that are coming up in my story

So there it is. Not really much time to actually write. I knew that if this was going to happen, Wednesday needed to be a very productive evening. And I was pretty scared that it wouldn't be.

And you know what? Last night was great. I sat down, reviewed the suggestions my classmates had made, and started making whatever changes seemed most helpful. Still feeling a bit stuck, I decided to just move on to the next scene and see where it took me. Well, it took me to a place I was almost afraid to go. Basically, looking at the entire story subjectively, I realized that a major scene needed to be deleted. The problem was that it was the scene that had given me the original idea for the story, and it meant that a lot of what was written would need to be rewritten. But honestly, the story works better this way. It's a major change, but it puts my characters down a more honest path, I think. It was too hard for me to actually delete the stuff, so it's now sitting in a separate word document, just in case. It's out of the way though, and now there's room for me to add new things. And now that it is out of the way, I feel more confident and more motivated to work on this project.

So here's the lesson: I need to not just believe in my writing, but in myself as well. I can solve problems. I do not need to feel defeated when things aren't going as smoothly as I hoped. And while the outside motivation is really helpful, I can also motivate myself. I was made to do this, and knowing that should be all the reassurance I need.

Thought for the day

Try, for example, to sustain preserving faith - without gratitude - and your faith will eventually forget the whole point of it's faithfulness, hardening into a practice of religion that's hollow and ineffective. -- Nancy Leigh DeMoss

A Lenten approach

"...it was only necessary to to forget oneself and to love others in order to be at peace, happy and lovely." - Leo Tolstoy, "Anna Karenina"

Appropriately enough, I read this on Ash Wednesday. And I really think that this is at least part of the spirit of Lent.

Lent is traditionally a time to sacrifice in preparation for Easter. But why? Part of it has to do with sharing in the suffering of Christ. I think the most important feature, however, is the refocusing on Christ that occurs during this time, the forgetting of oneself. Sacrificing tv, the internet, or dinners is pretty meaningless if you just fill that time with other inconsequential things. But if you take that time to read the Bible, reflect on Jesus, serve others or just generally forget about yourself, I think you'll find Lent to be a much more rewarding and refreshing time.

And that is my goal for this year's Lenten season: to be refreshed in my relationship with Christ. I want to think less about myself and more about Him and others. On Easter Sunday, I want to celebrate more joyfully than ever, because I have an even greater understanding and appreciation for what that day means to me.

I have also decided to use Lent as an example of a way that I can improve my motivation to write. The idea of fasting from certain distractions for a period of time in order to give myself more time to write seems like a pretty perfect idea. In that spirit, I will be using some of the time provided by my Lenten fasting to work on my writing. If all goes well, I'll come up with a plan to continue that strategy after Easter.

Happy Lenting!

Adventures in Reading: "Northanger Abbey" by Jane Austen

Oh, Jane Austen...how talented you were. Genius, really.

"Northanger Abbey" was actually the first book written by Ms. Austen. It wasn't published, however, until after her death. In contrast with her other novels, it does feel a bit less mature, but her strong style is still evident throughout the piece, and it is a worthy predecessor to her later works.

"Northanger Abbey" is the story of Catherine Morland and her growth from a naive girl to a more sensible woman. By making Catherine's character very innocent and unaware of the ways people manipulate one another, Austen is able to expose these manipulations in a cleverly exaggerated way. Catherine is literal, almost to a fault, and as such, is completely unaware of hidden motivations and intentions in other people. She is, therefore, baffled when people do other than they have explicitly said they would do.

The story itself is fairly short and always light-hearted and satirical. It is a fun, quick read, and a very nice introduction to Austen. Thanks for letting me borrow it, Jessye!

I am now currently reading "Anna Karenina", so you won't see another post like this for a while! I am far away in 19th century Russia, with another 800 or so pages to go...

I didn't forget...

In my last post, I said that I was giving myself until Friday to make some writing goals. That happened, but I forgot to blog about it. I apologize, dear readers, for leaving you on the edge of your seats!

First of all, thanks Jessye for the idea about carrying a notebook with me. I'm not sure why that idea hadn't occurred to me earlier, because it's actually something I used to do. So I'm starting there. At first, I thought I would go out and buy myself a new notebook to start with, but then I realized that was my way of putting things off. Now my journal that I've been writing in on and off for about two years will be going wherever I go. Hopefully, it gets filled up quickly, because I do love a new journal.

I've also started working on a new project. My novel is still my main project, but it can be a bit overwhelming to me some days. I've had another project in mind for a while, and it can be broken down into smaller chunks. I hadn't started it though, because I was afraid it would distract too much from my novel. Well, I think that line of reasoning was a bit flawed. My new project is essentially a collection of short stories, and working on those keeps me writing and working toward a finished piece. I think working on that on days that my novel just feels too heavy is a much better idea than just pushing everything to the side.

I have also decided to talk about my writing with more people. It's hard for me to bring up the fact that I'm writing a book with most people, because I don't want to sound pretentious. Unless I mention it, no one is going to have any idea that I'm doing it. But without people knowing about it, I can't get any encouragement or feedback of any kind. Thankfully, being in class has allowed me to have it critiqued, and I have a much better idea of what I need to do next. If I had been unwilling to put myself out there, I wouldn't be able to say that. It's also important for me to talk to people because I can't really put any of my writing on this blog because of complications with publication later on. It would be great if I could put things on here and have people respond to them, but I'd basically be ruining my chances at my end goal. The most important reason I need to talk with people about my writing, however, is that the more I talk about writing and being a writer, the more I feel like it's true, the more I feel like that's actually a part of who I am. And believing that is pretty essential to staying motivated!

I would love to write every day, but with my schedule as it is, that's not really feasible. But I want to make writing a part of my "work" schedule on certain days of the week (most likely Thursday through Saturday or Sunday with my current schedule). I'm hoping to figure out a way to make myself accountable in this area. Maybe there's some sort of blog feature for that. I'll have to investigate.

Finally, I think it's important for me to realize that my reading plays a big part in my writing. I read every day for about an hour during my lunch breaks at work, and usually do a little reading on the weekends as well. Reading anything from the classics to the contemporary, and in a variety of genres and styles, is only going to improve my writing. Being well-read helps me to see what works, what I would like to emulate, and how to really craft a piece. There may be days when all I do is read without writing, and that's ok. Reading is strengthening my writing, whether I realize it or not. In fact, music, dance, art...anything created...will influence who I am and what I write.

Anyway...those are some ideas that I have come up with to help myself feel more organized in this adventure. As I've said before, suggestions (and encouragements!) are always welcome. Thank you for taking the time to be a part of this with me :)