Thought for the day

"Do not sabotage your goals with mediocre efforts."

A friend shared this with me today. It reminds me of "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years". Better get to it, then...whatever "it" is.

Making an effort

I have signed up for my first writing workshop. It's nothing huge, just a one day, two session workshop through the local community college. But it's something, and I'm excited to see what comes of it.

I'm also taking some steps in another area of interest in my life...but I'm keeping that a secret until I can figure out how realistic it is right now.

And STILL reading "Anna Karenina". But I only have about 250 pages left...home stretch! I have four or five books just waiting to be read when I'm finished, and I'm excited to get to them.

A quarter century's wisdom

I have just recently completed my 25th year on this planet. It was a really significant year for me, marked with a lot of heartache, but also a lot of growth and happiness. I am proud to say that when I look back over the past year, I am not the person I was when I started, and I have grown and changed for the better.

There are still a lot of things I would like to work on, and a lot of questions about life that are still unanswered (or at least, I don't seem to know what the answer is just yet...or haven't grasped that the answer is "no"). However, I believe that life is a journey, and that I'm being shaped for a purpose, so I will take all of my life experience up to this point and use it to continue down the road I'm on.

I wish that I could say I have some specific goals for the coming year, but I don't. Maybe that's a project I should work on. Regardless, I am confident that this next year will be full of more ups, downs and sidewayses, and that I will keep becoming the person I am meant to be.

And with that, a little quote:

"For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again." - F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Two Letters

Dear Gramma Margie,

Thank you for being so kind and funny and loving. Thank you for loving me more than just about anyone I've ever known. Thank you for always being proud of me, and for encouraging me in every circumstance. Thank you for always being warm and generous. Thank you for teaching me the importance of loving life and of having opinions and of pepper as a seasoning. Thank you for sharing your life with me. I hope that you knew how much I love you. You will always be missed.

Dear God,

Thank you for my Gramma. Thank you for allowing us to live so close to each other for the last fews years, and for giving me the opportunity to know her and love her better. Thank you that she was able to die peacefully. Thank you for your perfect timing and for your plan, even when I don't understand. Please help me to never take the people I love for granted, and to always remember that each day is a gift.

To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever. Amen.


Gramma's obituary

More

I think an appropriate thing to do during my current time of uncertainty is to surround myself with good words and thoughts.

"Before the throne of God above

I have a strong and perfect plea

A great High Priest whose name is Love

Who ever lives and pleads for me

My name is graven on His hands

My name is written on His heart

I know that while in Heaven He stands

No tongue can bid me thence depart

No tongue can bid me thence depart

When Satan tempts me to despair

And tells me of the guilt within

Upward I look and see Him there

Who made an end of all my sin

Because the sinless Savior died

My sinful soul is counted free

For God the just is satisfied

To look on Him and pardon me

To look on Him and pardon me

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Praise the one risen Son of God

Behold Him there, the risen Lamb

My perfect spotless righteousness

The great unchangeable I Am

The King of glory and of grace

One in Himself, I cannot die

My soul is purchased by His blood

My life is hid with Christ above

With Christ my Savior and my God

With Christ my Savior and my God" - Charitie Lees Smith

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake." - Victor Hugo


"Have no envy, no fear." - Joshua Radin

"I find love as deep as the ocean

I find joy as sure as the sun

I find peace that passes understanding

I find myself in You

Your love surrounds me...I find myself in You

I find grace that gives each day meaning

I find hope so safe and secure

I find life in knowing that You love me

I find myself in You

Your love surrounds me...I find myself in You" - Peter Kelley


"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”- Lamentations 3:21-24

I'll keep adding to this as I find things.

Response

I believe this song may be, at least in part, God's response to my current feelings of uncertainty, grief, misunderstanding and desire for God's will to be done in my life.

"Pensive, doubting, fearful heart
Hear what Christ the Savior says
Every word should joy impart
Change thy mourning into praise
Yes, He speaks and speaks to thee
May He help thee to believe
Then thou presently will see
Thou has little cause to grieve

Fear thou not, nor be ashamed
All thy sorrows soon shall end
I, who heaven and earth have framed
Am thy Husband and thy Friend
I, the High and Holy One
Israel's God, by all adored
As thy Savior will be known
Thy Redeemer and thy Lord

For a moment I withdrew
And thy heart was filled with pain
But my mercies I'll renew
Thou shall soon rejoice again
Though I seem to hide my face
Very soon my wrath shall cease
'Tis but for a moment's space
Ending in eternal peace

Though afflicted, tempest tossed
Comfortless awhile thou art
Do not think thou can be lost
Thou art graven on my heart
All thy wastes I will repair
Thou shalt be rebuilt anew
And in thee it shall appear
What the God of love can do"

¿Cómo se dice...?

Not knowing the exact word to describe something is one of my biggest annoyances. But that's where I'm at right now...unable to describe exactly what I'm feeling. I've tried out several words, but none seem to fit just right.

This is about the time I turn to those who have written before me. Instead of trying to decide one word that says what I feel in its entirety, I'll let some others do the talking. They'll at least be able to do some summarizing.


"Don't know why I'm still afraid
If you weren't real I would make you up now
I wish that I could follow through
I know that your love is true and deep as the sea
but right now everything you want is wrong,
and right now all your dreams are waking up,
and right now I wish I could follow you to the shores of freedom, where no one lives." - Joseph Arthur

"Let my cry come before you, O LORD;
give me understanding according to your word!" - Psalm 119:169

"Well I looked my demons in the eyes, laid bare my chest
Said do your best to destroy me
I've been to hell and back so many times, I must admit, you kinda bore me
There's a lot of things that can kill a man
There's a lot of ways to die
Yes, and some are already dead who walk beside me
There's a lot of things I don't understand
Why so many people lie
It's the hurt I hide that fuels the fire inside me
Will I always feel this way?
So empty, so estranged?" - Ray LaMontagne

This hope we have as an anchor of the soul,
a hope both sure and steadfast - Hebrews 6:19

"I don't know how your love works
Or how you cover me in grace
I don't know how you swallow all I am
when I can't stand my taste
All I know is the bleeding in my heart
and the healing in your touch
All I know is that you gave everything
so let that be enough...it's all I know" - Matt Wertz

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. - Ephesians 3:20

"The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley if You want me to" - Ginny Owens

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. - Romans 8:26

"Two things you told me:
That you are strong
And you love me" - Jon Foreman

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." - Jeremiah 29: 11-12

"Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief." - CS Lewis

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. - Romans 12:12

"Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone-we find it with another." - Thomas Merton

He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. - Psalm 23:2-3

"...even the most unjust and cruel things, as well as all seemingly pointless and undeserved sufferings, have been permitted by God as a glorious opportunity for us to react to them in such a way that our Lord and Savior is able to produce in us, little by little, his own lovely character." - Hannah Hurnard

A lovely gift

My wonderful auntie gave me a BEAUTIFUL ring for my birthday (which isn't for a few days still, but she couldn't wait). It's a HUGE two carat aquamarine (my birthstone) on a delicate stylized band. I love it. But the best part is this: I get to make up the story behind it.

You see, it's an antique ring, but the jeweler didn't know the story of it's origin. So my aunt said that I get to make one up. Every time I look at it, I imagine where it might have come from, who might have worn it.

Maybe it belonged to a 19th century high society woman who had to sell it to cover her husband's gambling debts.

Maybe a band of robbers stole it from some wealthy Italian travelers and it toured most of southern Europe before being sold to a jeweler at a bazaar in Morocco.

Maybe it's part of a pirate treasure, only recently discovered below the sea.

Maybe...

Advice

"Don't sit down in the middle of the woods. If you're lost in the plot or blocked, retrace your steps to where you went wrong. Then take the other road. And/or change the person. Change the tense. Change the opening page." - Margaret Atwood

I need to remember this.

And here's more. Reading this honestly brought my stress level down about ten notches.